I think I’m beginning to realize that I’m not emotionally mature enough for this job. I’ve been thinking about how unfair it was to deduct my paycheck even though it wasn’t my fault, and how I didn’t stand up for myself. I should have stood up for myself multiple times while working here but I never did. I realized that Marisa (my coworker) is more well spoken then I am. She is more mature than I am and that’s why I think she fits in well with this job. I get frazzled and panic easily. I think I’m starting to open my eyes to what God was trying to tell me. I think I am capable of doing this job in terms of the tasks, however, I am not capable of handling the stress and I have a low endurance level for things. It all stems from being emotionally immature as well as not being level headed as a person who is working here should be. So I do think it is time for me to find an easier going job for now and work my way up. I also need to devote more time in school and a more easy going job would allow me to concentrate more in school. I have been weighing pros and cons about this but somehow last night and this morning has made me realize things in a clearer way. I hate admitting that I can’t do something but I really can’t do this job right now. I know I have the potential to but…. I can’t handle it. Plus I have to work on myself as in handling things better and not take things personally because if I dont change my ways, I’m gonna hate every job I get. 

I’ve been thinking a lot and I’ve tried to think that this job is here for a reason and that I should stick to it… But it turns out that God used this job to teach me a very important lesson. I can’t let people push me around like this, I have to stand up for myself, and I have to stop taking things personally. I also have to start being focused and concentrated at my work and just try and not make mistakes. I just think I failed because people have been doubting me and my capability of doing this job well since the beginning and they were all right. It’s disappointing and sad to know your loved ones don’t believe in you. 

I just thank God for teaching me these things and finally opening my eyes to His lessons. I was so blind and confused for about 2 months on what I should do. I endured a lot of stuff that I felt was unfair and for what? For me to come to this realization. I just regret not realizing this sooner. Thank you, Father for all the lessons and your guidance. You truly answered my prayers and in more than one form. I was just too blind to see it. Thank you so much for making this happen because it’s going to make me a better person. Thank you for not letting me become bitter. Thank you for not leaving me alone. I felt your presence beside me the whole time that I was walking down this dark and unknown path. Now, I can see the light and what you wanted me to see. This path isn’t scary anymore. Thank you for holding my hand the whole entire way. Thank you so much Lord for giving me all of this.  I can’t ask for anything better. I already got the best. <3