I’m not sure what it is exactly. I think the devil have been infiltrating my mind with stupid thoughts more than usual. I’ve been so down lately. I feel so ugly, fat, and undesirable. I got this stupid cold sore which makes me even more self conscious about my looks. My work place all consist of petite Asian people who seem to think I’m super strong because I’m big. I hate that so much… Just because I’m bigger than someone, it doesn’t mean I’m strong. I just hate how I look. I know God made me in His image and that I should feel blessed for all things that He gave me but I can’t seem to understand why He gave me this height or body shape. I can’t seem to grasp the point of Him making me DIFFERENT than my peers. I am so sick and tired of being different. I am SO sick and tired of being tall and big. I want to just look like the typical Asian girl that I’m always surrounded by. Why can’t I look like that? Why am I trapped in this hideous bulky body? Every day for the past 2 weeks or so, I’ve been holding in more and more of these thoughts. I really want to be rid of these stupid thoughts. I pray to God so He can relieve me but He hasn’t answered me. I know that if He doesn’t answer me, it means He’s testing my patience but with something as crucial as this, I would think He would answer me sooner. I am so unhappy with myself. I am so unhappy being who I am. Seeing all these pictures of attractive girls on Tumblr, seeing attractive girls in movies/tv or in real life saddens me. I am so envious of them. Why wasn’t I built like THEM? Why do I have to be so different? Why do I have to suffer through this?
Maybe if I didn’t look so ugly, I wouldn’t have gotten cheated on so many times. I wouldn’t be so damaged. If my boyfriends at the time loved me and loved what I looked like, then maybe they wouldn’t have hurt me so much. Maybe they wouldn’t have felt the need of seeking another woman. If I looked different, maybe I wouldn’t be looked down upon by so many people… Especially my family. My family expects me to be a size small like every Asian girl and they make fun of me for being a size medium and large. My brother would tease me sometimes saying stuff like “psh girls are supposed to be a size xsmall or small but you’re a MEDIUM?! Oh man, you’re a LARGE?!” I don’t know how to express my feelings properly so I keep all of it in. In all honesty, I wish I can just disappear so I wouldn’t be judged by anyone.
If only I looked differently, I wouldn’t feel the need to dress up all the time to feel pretty. I wouldn’t feel the need to mask my ugliness with new clothes. I would save so much money and time if I looked better. If I weren’t so ugly, maybe I wouldn’t be so paranoid all the time. Maybe I would trust people better than I do right now. Maybe I could be more chill and relaxed so I wouldn’t be so stressed out.
I am so sick and tired of this body and this face. I want to be RID of myself. I want to be in a new body. I know I am sick and I know this won’t go away… And that sucks..
I seriously want to disappear… Because seriously, who could love a person like me?
A well-known speaker started off his seminar holding up a $20.00 bill.
In the room of 200, he asked; “Who would like this $20 bill?” Hands started going up. He said, “I am going to give this $20 to one of you but first, let me do this.” He proceeded to crumple up the $20 dollar bill. He then asked, “Who still wants it…?”
Still the hands were up in the air. “Well,” he replied, “What if I do this?” And he dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty. “Now, who still wants it?” Still the hands went into the air.
“My friends, we have all learned a very valuable lesson. No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth $20. Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way.
We may feel as though we are worthless. But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value. Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still priceless to those who DO LOVE you. The worth of our lives comes not in what we do or who we know, but by WHO WE ARE. You are special. Don’t EVER forget it.
(Source: facebook.com, via brucexxvi)
Got you wrapped around my finger, babe. You can count on me to misbehave…. OMG SUCH A GOOD SONG.
(via fuckyeah-hairandmakeup)
(via aprilleesther)
(Source: cestlaguerre92, via stfuchristian)
C fell asleep actually HUGGING Harold the Hippopotamus tonight :”> So cute!
He hates admitting that he’s a cheese ball but deep down, we both know he loves being cheesy ;)
Lexi (right) and her brother. She is such a chub nugget.
Holy chubby arms, look at that fluff nugget!!!! SO CUTE!!!!!!!
:3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >_<!!! OMGAH SO CUTE ASDFGHJKL;!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What to get him….? I got him HID lights last year and he hinted he wanted HID lights again for his Accent this year but I don’t want to repeat presents! I wanted to get him another car thing that really wanted but they are way more expensive than the HID lights.. Plus, I’m gonna take him out to dinner too! Blah, I don’t know.. I don’t know what to get him! I even thought of an Xbox but he doesn’t need it since he has the ps3. :(
Yep.
(Source: simplyheavenlyfood, via simplyheavenlyfood)
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